Log in

No account? Create an account
26 February 2006 @ 05:13 pm

The process is complete. Now, we must wait to see if the egg implants inside Hinata-sama's body. If it does, then the future of the Hyuuga clan will hopefully be decided. Hinata-sama will move into position as head of the main house, with our child as heir. She wants me to be part of the child's life, more than his or her sensei. I agreed. It is what I want. It is odd that I never realized before how important it is for me to be a part of the child's life. I need to discuss this with Kakashi, and let him know how I feel about this.

Hinata-sama is now married to Aburame Shino. She is attracted to him, but the marriage is not a true marriage. He offered her the protection of his clan because it must be obvious that I cannot protect her. I am certain she must have told him that much. He is, after all, her trusted friend. It pains me to know that any offer of protection I might make to Hinata-sama is useless, but what can I do, when the Hyuuga clan can bring me to my knees with a simple seal? I am truly useless.

On the side that is only slightly more positive, I have been spending more quality time with Hinata-sama. I styled her hair for her date with Shino, and I also styled her hair and dressed her for her wedding. She was beautiful, and I felt so very proud of her when I watched her go through the ceremony. After they were wed, she left to be alone with Shino, and I returned home without speaking to her. I did not want to interrupt such a moment.

So many things are going on. I am worried for Lee. I need to stop by the dojo to see him. The last time I spoke with him, he was having problems. Bad dreams, bad sleep, and very uncharacteristic Lee behaviour. I have been watching him. Things are still not normal. Lee is my closest friend, and I feel as if I have been less than what I should be to him. So many of my own problems have caused me to act selfishly. I need to remove myself from that groove and become a better man.

I am once again in full control of my byakugan and jyuken. I would not dare say I am full strength, but I am strong enough to return to my duties. And I have. In fact, my first job was to go to Uchiha Sasuke and watch over him.

Sasuke has changed. I thought that he wanted friendship, but it seems as if I was mistaken. People change, and I will bend to his change. If he does not wish for friendship, I will not force it. However, after attempting to be an open friend to him, and having him act as he did, I will not be quick to give him that friendship again. I am not one to make multiple mistakes.

I will be on duty during the third part of the chuunin exams. Hokage-sama expects trouble. I do as well. I will keep a distant watch on Fire country while sitting at the tournament.
09 February 2006 @ 06:11 pm

I will not leave Kakashi's unless absolutely necessary, and I will not be using the byakugan until he feels it is safe for me. This comes more from Lee's words than Kakashi's, as the decision to not use it had already been made.

I am becoming nervous, to be honest. Nervous about the things to come. The end results will be worth it, but reaching those results is truly frightening.
09 February 2006 @ 06:05 pm
I sent out notes to certain people to notify them of where I am. I hope that they feel free to visit. I am certain that it will not be a problem.
06 February 2006 @ 09:02 pm

I told Hinata-sama about the clan issues. She has completely shocked me with her agreement to my solution, especially since she has already started the process of doing this. Hinata-sama will have my child through artificial insemination. She and her future husband will raise the child, and I will train the child. This is the only way to save us from a terrible future. By doing this now, we will take away all chances that Hanabi-sama will have the first child of the next generation.

I hope that Hinata-sama is strong enough to carry my child. I believe that she will be. This will prevent Hinata-sama from having weak children.

Am I being selfish? Perhaps...but this is also for Hinata-sama's future.

Aside from Kakashi, the only person I have spoken to about this is Lee. We discussed the clan. I tried to explain things to him, but how can I possibly explain something that truly does not make sense?

I allowed myself to break down in front of Lee. I even allowed him to hug me, because I needed it. Thankfully I did not start sobbing out my frustrations to him, although I would never have to worry about it being used against me if I did.
30 January 2006 @ 08:43 am

The juin jutsu brings immeasurable pain. Never have I had something so painful happen to me. I never thought that they would use the seal against me, not like this.

Even sitting here as I am now brings searing pain to my fingertips. Will my body ever be the same? I am attempting to grow used to this pain, by forcing myself to touch things, but it is torture.

I cannot use my byakugan outside of what I can do in a relaxed state. I do not know if this is permanent, or a temporary side-effect of the activation of the seal.

I would be lost without Kakashi. He appeared the day after this was done to me, and has cared for me. I am incredibly weak. I stated that I wish to die, though now, I only wish for revenge.

What horrible deed did I do to deserve this? I refused to have children with Hanabi-sama. It is not a matter of marrying her, the clan cares little if children are created without marriage, as long as the match is strong. They want to artificially inseminate Hanabi-sama with my seed, to give her strong children for the future of the main house of Hyuuga. When I bluntly refused, Hiashi-sama used the seal to bring me to my knees. I fought, and he did it yet again. If not for my grandfather, I would probably be dead.

Hiashi-sama was further enraged when I told him that I would only reproduce with Hinata-sama. Hinata-sama is the weakest of the clan. If she could have strong children, then there would be a better chance for the future of Hyuuga. Hanabi-sama will have strong children, with or without my blood in them. Hinata-sama will not.

I am not so certain this would be an issue were I not involved with Kakashi. They know that if I remain with him, then I will have no children, and the strong blood running through my veins will go to 'waste' and die with me. They do not want to take that risk.

I passed out from the torment, and woke up the next morning in my home. I assume someone of the clan returned me. I do not know if they will approach me again. I am certain that they will, but if they do, I cannot guarantee that I will not fight with my life to avoid being a victim again.
17 January 2006 @ 09:22 pm

Akasuna Sasori has been apprehended. Uchiha came to me with information on Sasori's location. I wonder why he came to me instead of Hokage-sama, but then I realize that it might be related to trust. I sent him to Hokage-sama, who summoned others of ANBU. They came, and we surrounded Sasori. I am sad to say that my skills were less than perfect in dealing with the puppeteer, but I was the one who finally disabled him by attacking his chakra. They have him imprisoned and under heavy guard.

I went home after that. I am not involved in what is currently happening, though I was told to return tomorrow.
16 December 2005 @ 11:46 am

I didn't think about it for a long time. The last time was probably when I was a kid, and then I didn't really understand. It was just a realization that I had no parents. Part of the clan, yet apart from the clan. Branch family members are little better than servants. We are born, and only a few years after, we are enslaved with this cursed seal. I take back my comment about servants. Servants have a choice. Where was my choice? I was cursed without understanding what it meant. No one took the time to explain to me why this seal was being branded onto my forehead. I just smiled, and accepted it. I lived in such a fantasy world.

It wasn't until I witnessed my father suffering the effects of this curse that I began to realize what it meant to be a Hyuuga. No, not a Hyuuga, but branch. When my father died, I cursed the Hyuuga clan. I was alone.

I taught myself most of the jutsu that I use. I figured them out on my own, as a child, and I perfected them. I perfected them, and then I pushed myself further. Being the best was my goal in life.

Now, I hate the main family less. For years I hated them less because my father went to his death willingly, but then I realized that had he not been cursed, he would not have sought the freedom of death. The main family is still responsible for his death. That fact will never change.

However, I do not hate Hinata-sama. She, in her foolish innocence, wants to get rid of the curse for future generations. I am afraid that she would never use the seals needed to bring harm to me, even if I tried to kill her. She is kind. Weak...so very weak...but kind. I want to help her be a better person. Stronger.
15 December 2005 @ 08:44 am

ANBU brought Uchiha Sasuke to a cell after he was suspected of the murder of a shinobi. I was part of the team who watched him all night, and I was certain that he was not responsible for this death. I later questioned him, and neared complete belief of what he had to say. He was later released, no longer considered guilty of the charge, after an investigation took place and the body was examined.

He has since allowed me to view a technique he created using the odd sharingan that he possesses. It left him drained, and use of it seemed to bother him. He plans to show the next technique to me today, and I plan for us to camp where he does this. It will be necessary. I had to ask for the time away today, and it was granted. Asking for such a thing is so rare that they knew it was important.

The kazekage approached me a few days ago, and gave me a pass into Suna. I have put it safely away so that no other may get it, and I will be using it when I go to retrieve Hinata-sama. I have Hokage-sama's permission to do this. I am being sent on a mission in that direction to deliver something near the border, and I will then continue on to Suna. I leave in one week, and I may take another with me.

I was surprised to find out that Hinata-sama is going to Suna. I support her in this completely.
06 December 2005 @ 11:59 am

Hinata-sama plans to speak to the clan elders today. She told me that I cannot be there, but I must report for duty today, so to do so would have been impossible anyway. It is senseless, her desire to get rid of the juin jutsu the Hyuuga clan uses. I long to be free, but not at the expense of future generations.

Lee wants to set me up with someone, and though I admire his enthusiasm, it is just not something that can happen. I made the mistake of releasing two important facts about myself. I should never mention my busy schedule when speaking to Lee. He worries.

Just when one bruise on my face has faded, another appears. Hinata-sama questioned it, and seemed to know that my answers were lies. It is not as if I can tell her the truth. I am only glad that she did not see my abdomen.
02 December 2005 @ 01:47 pm
There was nothing to be found south of Konoha. The disturbance was one caused by a wild animal. I dislike false alarms, they are a waste of time created by those of lower intelligence. Can they not figure out the difference between man and animal?